


Shameless: The Prequel

by Xenobotanist



Series: Joys, Ploys, & Bedroom Toys [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: I can't do more tags or it'll give it away, M/M, Prank Gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27971189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobotanist/pseuds/Xenobotanist
Summary: Julian receives a gift that he does NOT want Garak to know about. What is he going to do with it?
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Jadzia Dax, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: Joys, Ploys, & Bedroom Toys [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048306
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	Shameless: The Prequel

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know where this came from. But I had fun writing it. And somehow, it ended up being more than 3x the length of the original, lol.

Julian removed the lid from the oddly-shaped box.

Spread apart the tissue paper.

Tried to understand what he was seeing.

He knew right off the bat what it _generally_ was. 

It was bright blue, and composed of Nausicaan-grade silicone, and of a certain… well, cylindrical _thickness_. 

It was the shape that stymied him.

When he finally figured it out, he was ashamed. As a Starfleet doctor, it should have been so obvious!

But maybe what kept him from recognizing the object in his lap was the fact that it shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

Julian leaned over, trying to modulate the size of his eyes, which he was afraid had grown as large as saucers. “Jadzia, where in the quadrant did you _get_ this? I thought they were…” he lowered his already low voice into a hissing whisper. “I thought the Klingons sued the Federation to make these _illegal_.”

She leaned over to meet him. “They are. Who says I got this anywhere _in_ the Federation?”

That made sense, of course. But still. “Isn't it against the law to even _own_ one?”

“Only if you get caught.”

Julian peeped furtively around the room, making sure everyone else at the holiday gathering was busy with their own pranked gifts. No one was so much as glancing in their direction; each party-goer was busy opening their presents, laughing hysterically, or--in Miles’ case--looking completely confounded at whatever was inside a large bag on their thighs. Julian wondered who his benefactor had been. “How did you even get it on the station?”

The Trill raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. “Do you really want to know?”

Julian’s whole body practically trembled at the six different scenarios that bloomed in his imagination. Until the seventh appeared, and he froze solid. “Please tell me you didn’t make this yourself. It’s not…” he couldn’t help stealing a look at her par'Mach kai. “It’s not a replica of _his_ , is it?”

Jadzia cackled merrily, grabbing his shoulder. “Oh, that would have been hilarious. Excuse me, dear, but would you mind me making a mold of your…” she doubled over in laughter, unable to finish her sentence.

As if aware that he was being referred to, Worf turned their way and frowned. 

Julian slapped the lid back on the box.

“What am I supposed to _do_ with it?” he whispered furiously.

Jadzia wiped at her eyes. “What do you _think_ you’re supposed to do?”

“No, you know what I mean. Like, where I am supposed to hide it? What if Garak finds it?”

She straightened up and smiled mischievously. “How often is he at your place?”

Often enough. And he didn’t seem to acknowledge the concept of privacy, as Julian had discovered when he found his stash of pornographic isolinear rods replaced with no fewer than 30 identical copies of The Neverending Sacrifice. And his favorite brand of wanking lotion traded out for Cardassian scale oil. Not that he’d complained about the latter exchange. It was actually quite silky. “You don’t understand,” he replied. “What if Garak finds this and-- and thinks that I find him inadequate?”

“Oh, come on. Garak strikes me as the kind who’s got a wide variety of tastes. He’s probably _been there_ and _done that_. I’m sure he’d understand.”

Julian wasn’t at all sure he would. Despite the fact that they weren’t an official anything-in-particular, the ex-operative turned tailor always seemed just a little territorial. Possessive, even. And he’d _claimed_ to understand about the doctor’s dalliance with Leeta while he was in the brig, but as soon as he got out, well… Julian had ended up taking a week off work just for them to “make up for lost time,” which had largely consisted of nearly nonstop, exuberant shagging and what he was 98.2% positive was Cardassian scent-marking. The term “jealous lover,” came to mind.

Would he be jealous of a toy?

It was probably best not to find out.

Julian checked the chrono. The party was set to go on for another hour or two, but he could easily find a way to dispose of this item _somewhere_ on the station and return in time for dessert and drinks. Now was better than later, too, because Garak probably wouldn’t be off work for at least another 45 minutes. 

Mind made up, he stealthily made his way for the exit, wishing the box was just a _little_ smaller and less obvious.

He escaped without incident and headed for his quarters. He could probably just recycle it in the replicator. Although… Julian sighed. It seemed like such a waste. Jadzia’s gift probably hadn’t come cheap. And it was probably one of very few in the entire quadrant. And it _did_ look incredibly intriguing.

He made it home without a single incident, and that’s when his luck ran out.

Garak was in his bed.

Julian froze in place, contemplating just tossing the gift box over his shoulder and into the corridor. Especially since he realized the Cardassian appeared to be sleeping, so he hadn’t seen anything yet.

Which was actually quite sweet.

Julian wasn’t even supposed to be home for a couple hours, and yet Garak had left work early, apparently just to snuggle up under his covers. He watched the resting figure adoringly for a minute, wishing he could snap a picture. _The Softer Side of the Spy,_ he’d label it in his padd’s gallery. 

Before it “mysteriously” disappeared, of course.

He wandered closer, practically on tiptoe, towards the bed. Garak must have changed the thermostat, because the room was warm, tropical even, and if Julian stayed any longer, he was going to have to start stripping.

Which wouldn’t be the _worst_ reason to miss the party, he supposed.

The party!

Panicked, Julian realized he was still carrying the box.

He rushed back to the replicator.

“Julian, my dear! Back so early?” Garak asked from the bedroom. He sounded perfectly awake and lucid. “Weren’t you enjoying the celebration with your fellow officers? You were practically buzzing with anticipation this morning.”

The human looked down at the carton in his hands, then back to the bedroom, which Garak was already exiting.

Naturally, Garak noticed the box right away. “Is that your exchange gift? What did you receive?”

So far, he looked only mildly interested, a curious friend with a courteous question. Julian tried to play it cool. “Oh, nothing much. Just a silly little trinket.”

Garak came closer, and it was all Julian could do not to take two steps back and arouse the ex-operative’s suspicions. “How disappointing. You sounded so excited about this bizarre little tradition you humans practice. May I see?” He held out a hand.

Julian yanked the present behind his back, which was the absolute worst thing he could have done. But it was too late.

Garak’s head tilted, and he narrowed his eyes in focus. “Just a silly little trinket, you say?”

“Um, no. I mean yes. I mean, it’s nothing really very interesting,” Julian stammered. “I was actually going to recycle it, because I can’t think of a use for it, so, er, might as well let its molecules be useful somewhere else, right?”

“My dear doctor, even after all the years we’ve spent together, you’re still abysmal at dissembling. My tutelage has failed you,” Garak said mournfully. He took a step closer. “But I suppose I have only myself to blame. I allowed your charm and wit and delightful body to distract me.” Another step. “Instead of training you to be more cynical, testing you with riddles to develop your analytical techniques, or making you construct falsehoods to conceal your true intentions during conversation… I encouraged you to laugh and smile, to blush and flutter your eyes. Those eyes, my dear. Like olive leaves dipped in honey. The things I did to see them staring affectionately back at me.” He smiled coyly as Julian began to fidget. “The things I’m still willing to do. Especially to see them get darker, and darker,” his voice lowered, “and roll back as you moan in pleasure.”

Feeling even hotter than before and as if his pants had suddenly shrunk, Julian watched, transfixed, as Garak reached a hand up to cup his cheek. He leaned into it, feeling the blessedly cool skin caress over his jaw. Then down his neck. The Cardassian stepped even closer now, until they were almost chest to chest, and trailed his fingers down Julian’s bicep. Past the elbow, along the forearm. He beamed triumphantly as he clamped down with an iron grip around the bony wrist.

Too late, Julian realized what had happened and tried to escape, but he was already caught. Garak swept a leg under his, gently but firmly, and he was tumbled to the floor, the box wrenched out of his hold. He struggled after it, but Garak was straddling him now, holding his quarry up and backward out of his reach. “Ah ah ah! You were going to get rid of this. What does it matter whether you give it to the recycler or to me?”

“ _Garak!”_

“What could be inside, that you’re so adamant about me not seeing it? Something _embarrassing_ , perhaps?”

Julian gritted his teeth and propped himself up on his elbows. “I _didn’t_ give it to you. You stole it.” Annoyed that he’d been bested so easily, he barely even remembered why he’d been afraid anymore. “And it’s something I’d really rather you _not_ see.”

Garak tilted his head again, this time in more thoughtful consideration. He lowered his arm. “I must admit, you’ve managed to thoroughly arouse my curiosity. What gift could possibly be so bad that you’d want to destroy the evidence immediately?” He set the box on Julian’s chest but remained seated in place. 

Julian flopped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “Look, Jadzia got my name. You know how she is. She likes to do things for their effect, prank people and all that. She got me something that she knew would… fluster me.” He raised his head to meet Garak’s eyes. “But I didn’t ask for it, I promise.”

Garak peered down at the lid, touching it tentatively. 

Julian groaned. “Fine. But remember what I said, okay? This isn’t something I requested.” Although if he’d known the Chief Science Officer could get her hands on one, he might have given it serious consideration.

Given permission, the Cardassian opened the gift. He set the lid aside, split the tissue paper. And without any qualms at all, he lifted the item out and held it up to the light. “This is excellent quality. The scale is accurate, the texture realistic.” He bent one side, testing the flexural strength. “Very sturdy. My only complaint would be the garish choice of color.”

The human got back onto his elbows again, face wrinkled in consternation. “You’re joking.”

Garak tapped him playfully on the nose with one blunt end. “About a perfectly-molded Klingon dual-phallus dildo? I think not.”

“But- You mean you’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset, my dear?” He was still holding the contraption, one cock pointed at Julian’s chin, the other at his, well, just below the chuva.

“I thought, that maybe… you’d be jealous?” 

Garak looked at him incredulously. “Why would I need to be? I already have one of my own.”

**Author's Note:**

> For this fic, I blame “Star Trek Shitposting.”  
> And “Attention Bajoran Workers…”  
> Believe it or not, I blame “Report to the Horny Brig Immediately, Ensign” the least.  
> If you only clicked on this for the M rating, then I recommend reading Part One. ;)


End file.
